Sunday, September 27, 2015

Ah Ha....For The Love God...That's Whats Happening?

This will be a long post in which I will post addendum as my life proceeds.  Ha, assuming my life proceeds.  I had a dream once where I could barely walk and I was crossing the street at an intersection and a young blond girl in a red sports car runs over and kills me.  Very real dream.  I was on the sidewalk watching it all while experiencing it at the same time.  Then of course I woke up.  This dream was in the 1980's and at the time I couldn't understand why I couldn't get out of the woman's way. Now in 2015 at 70 years old I completely understand.
Dreams of course are not prophetic in any way.  I also had a super realistic dream once in the 1970's that I was 135 years old at a birthday party for me. That would be, of course, to be a seeming contradiction.  No, you are wrong, if I were 135, that would be 65 years from now and all cars as we know cars will not exist and/or be diverless.  So, yes, it is a contradiction.

So this is what I looked like in 1992, I was 225 pounds and could walk for quite a ways, but not more than a mile at a time.  In 1982 I walked 3 miles at noon every day and weighed 212 lbs. (According to entries into my "Life Book".)

So what it this all about. It is about WAR.  It is about Corporate Greed.  It is about Betrayal.  It is about the medical world.  It is about growing old.  It is about sub-lethal diseases.  It is about the results of lies upon lies.  It is about the effects of unintended consequences (not actually a redundant concept). It is about Life's little defugalties. It will be a letter to others with the same disease and those who obtained it from the same source, and for those who do not know they have it and are judging themselves harshly based on their weakness and behaviors.

Reasons this may never 1. be posted 2. be finished 3. make any sense 4. soundly flaky
is that it causes pain to write about it, mental pain, heartache, and hate, lots of hate.

The Specific Subject: Peripheral Neuropathy
What is it?
Where does it come form.
How there is a lot of Ignorance about it at all levels.

It is not about how to cure it.
It is not how to reverse it.
It is not how mitigate it.
It is not how to escape it or live with it.

It is what has and will happen to me as a person with the condition, disease, or what ever it is.  This may be of use to other suffers, their friends and family, as well as to my my own.  

I will attempt not to be the Goddess of Gloom or the Prophet of Doom.

Outline to be filled in as we go...

PTSD the source and the birth of the name
RVN the warriors

The VA and the Military/Industrial/Political Not-So Complex

The Betrayals

CONCLUSIONS—This study suggests that background exposure to organochlorine pesticides may be associated with higher risk of peripheral neuropathic complications among those with glucose abnormalities, even beyond the influence of diabetes itself.

Since Nam the other Wars

The lies and suppressions

The Diseases

The Dead Commarads

Sneaky Sneaky Peripheral Neuropathy
Source :

Dissolution by Deconstruction

Next I am told that PN is the source of my "weakness".  That I have exercise intolerance....that is my heart pumps blood at a standard rate even when I work my muscles in activities such as walking.  My efforts to do things more or less or limited in scope and time out sooner.

logged 9/27/2015
I had been retired about a year and had spent several hours. Working in my studio-store-workshop move junk around and such nothing heavy mind you.  I lifted a box to put up an high shelf and I couldn't do it.  I had done the same thing minutes before without any trouble. Another time after picking pecans off the ground I started walking to the house and wham-bam I felt like I'm treading through molasses, it was just so much effort to walk. Countless example of the phenomena occurred more and more frequently.  My doctor didn't ignore it exactly,she consigned it to the non-life-threatening category.  April 2015, someone finally told me what it was and why it was there.  I had a one speed heart.  It didn't speed up and it didn't slow down in response to exercise or other stimulus.  If I worked the muscles too hard they would burn all of the oxygen available and it was not being replace sufficiently by having the heart speed up.  Also when asleep it did not slow down. This was an effect of peripheral neuropathy.  It is call Exercise Intolerance, it can not be reversed, and it is progressive.  The root cause they say is being a diabetic.  I had been slowing down for more than 15 years and now I was down to walking a few hundred feet.   Their solution was a motorized wheel chair.  I'll call it my putt-putt.
They delayed providing it for six months and then they tell me after 13 mouths of use it is mine. Exercise Intolerance cause mobility impairment.  I knew that already.

Words and terms and stuff:
 xenobiotic is a foreign chemical substance found within an organism that is not normally naturally produced by or expected to be present within that organism. It can also cover substances which are present in much higher concentrations than are usual.

Adipose tissue is one of the main types of connective tissue

Persistent Organic Pollutants (POPs) are chemical substances that persist in the environment, bioaccumulate through the food web, and pose a risk of causing adverse effects to human health and the environment.

In my case these are Agent Orange = Dioxin and Agent Blue = Arsenic 

Addendum.... 9/28/2015

 The toxins do not go away they live forever.  Airplanes and ships spray with or carrying the materials are still toxic to those who serve on them. You will notice the Navy and Air Force know this. VA and Congress, not so much.
It is sitting in the dinning room.   It is waiting for me to do something.  But I know that if I do, I will never be able to give it up.  It will become a necessity.  It will become a constant companion.  It will dictate where and how I can go places.  It will seduce me with its technology.  What if I just let the damn thing sit there and never touch it?  Who would care.  Hell who would know.   It is sitting there, a point of no return disguised as a motorized wheelchair.  They call it the Jazzy Elite HD (for Heavy Duty).  Jazzy, can you believe they named it Jazzy? What are we WWII vets or something....I'm humming "Oh Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me" in my head as I look at it.  The should call it the Feds "Grateful Dead Machine".  After spending almost six months  having two doctors persuade them that you have lack of mobility, they take six months to deliver.  They do a rental to purchase contract for 13 months, and then it is yours.  before that it reverts back to the Feds.  They are betting you die before the whole two years are up or are bed fast and can't use it. ( Maybe it should be called the "Lay Laddie Lay" Machine).  Thus it is in my house now....waiting....I have not
touched it yet.  I'm thinking about it.

Blog Comments

So since this I have learned to get it outside and ride it around.  It does allow me to do lots of stuff i haven't done for several years.  I am happy to have it, even it it doesn't work in the house.  Now, how to transport it?

So now I'm reading that the toxins actually start their work as soon as you are exposed and continue the messing with nerves, synapses, brain, until you die?  So when i date some of my major symptom back 25 years, that's not when PN started messing with me. That was 47 years ago.  Humm, when did they decide that PN existed? 

Below are FB post about the fall that directed my doctors to the current diagnosis.  It often takes one thing to uncover another.
Mortality...time lines.
“Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead," said Scrooge. "But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.”
― Charles Dickens
The first picture is of manatees. The second picture is 60 seconds latter.

When I had a mishap with a hand recently. Several (not one) Hospitals in the area did not want to take me because of my severed digit. Instead they loaded me on to a Med Chopper and started out towards Tampa trying to find a "Hand Man" before they arrived. Apparently they did. But when it all calmed down it became apparent that the hand man was engage in other more important activities and senta 4th year intern in to take care of me. The intern looked the hand and the severed digit and then took a dozen pictures with his phone of both from all angles. When he returned some time later he indicated the hand man had decided not to try to reattach the rather messed up finger, but offered two options. Reconstructive Surgery or amputation. The intern did a great job. However, cell phone photos? Really now, cell phone photos. All sorts of things come to mind here.

The Disease:

Peripheral nerves send sensory information back to the brain and spinal cord, such as a message that the feet are cold. Peripheral nerves also carry signals from the brain and spinal cord to the muscles to generate movement. Damage to the peripheral nervous system interferes with these vital connections. Like static on a telephone line, peripheral neuropathy distorts and sometimes interrupts messages between the brain and spinal cord and the rest of the body.

I was told that: That I had damage to nerves that supply internal organs that would impair digestion, sweating, sexual function, and urination. In the most extreme cases, breathing may become difficult, or organ failure may occur. and I was further told.
...In diabetic neuropathy, one of the most common forms of peripheral neuropathy, nerve damage occurs in an ascending pattern. The first nerve fibers to malfunction are the ones that travel the furthest from the brain and the spinal cord. Pain and numbness often are felt symmetrically in both feet followed by a gradual progression up both legs. Later, the fingers, hands, and arms may become affected.


Peripheral neuropathy refers to the conditions that result when nerves that carry messages to and from the brain and spinal cord from and to the rest of the body are damaged or diseased.
The peripheral nerves make up an intricate network that connects the brain and spinal cord to the muscles, skin, and internal organs. 

The symptoms of peripheral neuropathy include:
  • tingling in hands or feet *
  • a feeling like you are wearing a tight glove or sock sharp, stabbing pains **
  • numbness in hands or feet*
  • weak, heavy-feeling arms and legs (sometimes it may feel like your legs or arms “lock” in place*
  • regularly dropping things from your hands*
  • a buzzing or shocking sensation*
  • thinning of the skin*
  • a drop in blood pressure
  • sexual dysfunction, especially in men*
  • constipation*
  • digestion difficulties*
  • diarrhea
  • excessive sweating*
  • * Yep. got this one
If it is caused by an underlying condition that is treatable, you might be able to stop your peripheral neuropathy by treating the larger problem. However, most often peripheral neuropathy can only be managed, not cured.  There are more than 100 types of peripheral neuropathy, each with its own set of symptoms and prognosis. they are often broken down into the following categories:
  • Motor neuropathy. This is damage to the nerves that control muscles and movement in the body, such as moving your hands and arms or talking.
  • Sensory neuropathy. Sensory nerves control what you feel, such as pain or a light touch. Sensory neuropathy affects these groups of nerves.
  • Autonomic nerve neuropathy. Autonomic nerves control biological functions that you are not conscious of, such as breathing and heartbeat. Damage to these nerves can be serious.
    • Combination neuropathies. You may have a combination of two or three of these other types of neuropathies, such as a predominantly motor neuropathy or a sensory-motor neuropathy.  Now for me this is what's happening.