Sunday, September 6, 2009

Historical Uprising Attributed To JTB's Prolific Travels

My very good friend, KD, recently sent me this e-mail he got from a friend over a year ago. It does cheer me some.

"I'm sorry this took so long to get to you... only a year and change. I don't think Colleen would mind you using/posting this. Original to follow. "- KD

Junior the Bear Inspires "Toy" Animal Uprising (Reuters: Updated 4:07 p.m, CT Fri June 27, 2008)

Two residents of Norman, OK, Colleen and Christopher, were unexpectedly accosted by their legion of assorted puppets and stuffed animals this afternoon.

The couple, who reside together, state that their day began innocently enough with some Internet surfing. Colleen exclaimed "all I did was log onto to OKCupid to check my mail!"
She continued that she was on OKCupid perusing people's profiles when she decided to see if her acquaintance, KD, had made any interesting updates. KD put a link for a blog written by a bear friend of his. Colleen states that she was curious about this bear, as she happens to know a few ursines herself, and followed the link. What she discovered left her and her fiance lolling and reading aloud in joy for about an hour. The couple could not have anticipated the chaos that would soon erupt.

Unbeknownst to them, the other residents of their home, an eclectic confederacy of gorillas, lemurs, tortoises, monsters, and additional beasts of whimsy, overheard the regaling tales. The menagerie took a keen interest in Junior's adventures, and began to question the sedentary, "gilded cage" mentality of their caretakers. The most vociferous critic of the status quo was one Rocky Raccoon, a puppet with a lifelong relationship with Colleen. She noted, however, that "Rocky's reputation for loyalty is rivaled only by his penchant for insane shenanigans."

Roiling up his befuzzed/ scaly/ feathered comrades with outlandish yet enthralling rhetoric, Rocky proceeded to foment wanderlust and mischievous devilry. Soon, the CD towers were falling over to form barricades while old bills were converted into protest banners. Christopher states that he retorted "WTF? Tsar Nicolas II I ain't!" before being smothered into unconsciousness by a pair of Brobdingnagian stuffed beagles that the couple had rescued from trash men over a year ago. Colleen implored Nimbus Acinonyx, the family's mackerel tabby, for intervention, appealing to his sense of justice and humanity. He gave her a look that clearly meant "whatever...", and continued licking himself. Colleen was then forcibly detained in the bathroom by a llama and a penguin.

The situation remains tense. As a demonstration of goodwill, Rocky and other ringleaders released the couple in exchange for 10 ears of sweet corn, a bag of seedless grapes, and a case of strawberry Crush. Cries for a voyage to Ayers Rock were rejected as being "outrageously unrealistic," but negotiations over a trip to Wichita Mountains Wildlife Preserve continue.

1 comment:

drlobojo said...

Say JTB, our deal was one blog a week. Now I see two posts in just one day. Cool it bear.